'tis the season

I am so in love with my son. He is so amazing. What a personality he has developed! He's just about to take off crawling, has two teeth, is saying "da-da"...He's grown so quickly but it's so fun because we really have a relationship now, really feed off of each other and communicate. He gets so excited when he sees me at daycare at the end of the workday. What a feeling that gives me. When he wakes up in the morning he just smiles at me as if to say "Good morning, Mommy!" and I can't help but want to cuddle him up in my arms and just hug him, although he would object to being hindered from moving about. Nobody could ever have told me how cool this would be.

I've been up since 1 a.m. compiling all the crazy emails Scott has sent to me since the end of March. I and my attorney have asked him not to contact me except through his office, and he is still leaving me messages, emailing me, and texting me. He's going back on everything he said, and now wants to fight me for custody for the child he didn't want. I warned him that I didn't want to make this a court-ordered issue. Now I am going to my attorney tomorrow with 42 pages of psychotic bi-polar rants and raves to file a restraining order. I can't have him keep stressing me out! Every time I even see he's contacted me I need a Klonopin. I'm still up, 3 hours later, because I'm so messed up. He hates me but wants me to move to Seattle to work things out. He says "I will forgive you." There is nothing to forgive. I have closed my heart against him to stop hurting, and he is reopening freshly healed wounds. I was hoping this would just get over quickly.