Been thinking about getting this tattooed somewhere. It's Celtic lettering, since Ronan's name is Celtic in spelling. Ruins my Japanese theme, but it's my boy. Any suggestions as to where it should be located? My spine and below my naval are taken.

I received in the mail today the prepared Last Will and Testament and Advance Medical Directive I ordered today. No, this won't be morbid, just informative. I asked my younger sister and her husband to be Ronan's guardians in the event I keel over before he's legal. They graciously agreed, so I needed to document all that crap, change my life insurance beneficiaries, name executors, make sure they cremate me, all that good stuff. What a lot of paperwork! I have nothing as far as an estate is concerned to worry with right now, but at least Ronan will be taken care of, and there won't be any legal hold-ups. I don't want his unknown father to get him just because he's blood. That would be devastating.

There actually may be something of a god out there...

My son slept through the night for the first time last night. Unfortunately, I woke up several times, probably worrying about him. But, I had also had some drinks last night, and that always messes with my sleep. But he slept straight through from about 10:30 to 7:00, started rousing for a bottle, then went back to sleep after he ate. Of course, I was getting ready for an early therapy appointment, so he woke fully after a bit, but was in a great mood, and didn't have to be fed again until we got home. So, yay, here's hoping for a new trend, like a second night in a row, with me sleeping through it as well...

Just to put a little perspective on things, I haven't slept through the night since my 3rd month of pregnancy, last August. You can see why I'm a little eager for a change.

In response to the comment on post "What's the Story, Morning Glory?" and for the general information of my few readers, I did originally offer Scott an annulment. However, since there was a child born during our marriage, and there is still a possibility we could have a positive DNA test, I ended up going the route of divorce. First of all, with him being overseas, I had to file, and I can't file an annulment when I was the one concealing information. But if Scott is the father, by state law he has to pay child support, and that route would not be addressed in the case of an annulment. Not that I want to "make him pay," but as a best friend who has been a single mom for 12 years suggested, that money would help make Ronan's life better. She never pursued child support for her daughter, and she is definitely an expert on the single mom subject, especially since her ex is a deadbeat who is living with her mother, can't keep a job, and has his daughter balance the checkbook.

At the same time I hope it's someone else who has to pay child support, because Scott is already supporting two children. I still want Ronan to be his, however delusional that may be, but the timing is just too spot on, and Ronan has his features. Plus, a one-night-stand with a guy I used protection with seems a little less likely to have gotten me knocked up. I guess it's just the softie in me that still loves Scott that I don't want him to have to pay for a 3rd child. He already has a hard time.

Anyway, Rachael, thanks for the info, and for sharing your experience. It definitely would have been an easier route to go, but I guess this is just too messy.

I just totally did it, without even having to think it through.

The Oklahoma State Regents for Higher Education has a program called Reach Higher, a degree completion program. You have to be older than 21 (check), have at least 72 college credit hours (check), have a GPA of 2.0 or above (check), and some other stuff (check). It is relatively inexpensive, about $152 per credit hour. You get a Bachelor of Science degree in organizational leadership. It's basically to help adults like myself finish their degree without having to change their lives to do so. I also completed my FAFSA application and will likely be eligible for grants, because I qualify as a displaced worker and such. So, hopefully, I will be back in college this fall.

I am still planning on finishing Cosmetology, I just have to get my hand 100% first, or it will just go all to hell again. Tendinitis is definitely no joke. I've been to therapy 7 times and still have a lot of pain, and have just started strengthening exercises. I hope my therapist will tell me I won't have a problem finishing the program.

I originally wanted to get my degree in Marketing, and have already taken several courses toward that end, but there just aren't any online programs geared toward it. It's always "Sales and Marketing," or "Business Administration/Marketing." I'm talking about Marketing as in the Advertising industry. Besides, I think I can finish my degree much quicker this way, which is what I need to do to make a good life for Ronan and me.

Everyone should have a little time with their friends now and then, just to release, if nothing else.

Good therapy today, both mental and physical. Started strengthening exercises today with my hand. My psychologist wants me to think of things I can do to nurture myself, to "refill my cookie jar," so that I'm not running on empty. And then we are to eventually get to the matter of forgiving my parents.

I got to enjoy my favorite beer, Framboise Lambic, and my favorite wine, Leonard Kreusch Riesling, tonight at Zac and Amber's, with Chaz, and I took Ronan along. He enjoys our outings. And then we got to see his "godparents," Nikki and Richard, when we got home. All in all a good and stress-free day. Still no word on the apartment, but I'm sure it will be soon.

Okay, so I found some Unitarian Universalist Churches in Norman, but they all only have services on Sunday mornings, when I'm working. Damn the damned! Maybe the Naturalist meet-up group is my only route. But I'm looking for more than once-a-month spiritual fellowship. All of the other non-denominational groups only meet on Sunday mornings as well. Arrgh! (in my best Pirate)

Had to share the cuteness.

My ex-husband actually invited me out for a meal sometime I'm in his area. I'd asked him a few weeks ago how he felt about hanging out sometime and he said he wasn't sure. I saw him at my sister's PharmD Hooding ceremony. Talk was the slightest bit awkward, but he's always been good at making awkward situations less so. It's been a year and almost 2 months since the divorce, and just about that long since we've "hung out." I still consider him a really good friend, he does know me so well. And I miss our friendship. It will be nice to have that back.

Binky Buddy

My product is officially "patent pending," so now for the big reveal!






And since I've been "testing" it on my own son for months, I can confidently say it is safe, free of strangulation or suffocation hazard because of it's design and the way it's used. Hopefully you will see it on the market soon!

What's the story, morning glory?

I slept with another man without telling my then boyfriend. I continued to elude him when I found out I was pregnant, certain it was his child. When he suggested we get married, I wanted to wait, not because of the possibility I was carrying another man's child, but because I didn't want to rush into it. I'd only known him for 6 months, and had just gotten a divorce. But marry we did, and I still did not tell him of the other man. I was still certain the child was his, and convinced we would have a happy life together.

I decided that I would have to tell my husband sooner or later about the other man. I decided I couldn't bear to break the news to him while he was deployed, not knowing how badly he would take it, because he was under enough stress. But it turned out he had his own suspicions, and asked me outright if I had been with anyone else before we married. I couldn't lie, and then tell the truth later. I had to tell him. Of course he was devastated, felt betrayed. The truth of the matter was we had not committed to an exclusive relationship, but the timing was such that the paternity of our son was in question. He demanded a DNA test, and instructed me to buy one over-the-counter and send it to him overseas. It took almost a month with the shipping time and lab processing for us to get the results, excluding my husband as the biological father.

My husband immediately wanted a divorce, and called me hateful names, told me he hated me. Asked me how I could do this to him. But these words came after him telling me he couldn't leave me no matter what, that we would work through it if the results were negative, that being newly divorced he would've acted the same way. So, he wanted me to order a divorce online since it was non-contested, that he would pay for it and the filing fee. Quick and painless. But there was a child involved, and we couldn't use the DNA test we had bought as legal evidence. So I had to hire an attorney, since he was still overseas. He offered to pay half the retainer fee, I had to sell both my wedding rings, my electric guitar and amplifier, all of my CDs, and still borrow $300 from my parents for the rest of my half.

My husband was impatient, asked me why I was delaying sending the divorce papers to him, that he was ready to sign. I told him we had to have an official DNA test. He told me to have the biological father take the DNA test, he had already paid for one. I had already attempted to contact the alleged father by email, the only means I had, and as of yet have heard nothing from him. Since the test can't be performed while he is overseas, we will have to wait to file until he is back in the states to take a test. In the meantime, he told me he trusted me not to take all our money and run, but instead he did exactly that. He said he was required to pay dependent support until the divorce was final, gave me two months up front, and proceeded to open his own account and take all of the money out of our joint accounts, totaling no less that $6000. Suddenly, a stay at home mother found herself jobless, no means of income, $1500 a month in bills to pay, and a child to raise on her own.

My husband somewhere found a change of heart and decided he wanted to work things out. I was skeptical, because he had been so inconsistent, didn't follow through with anything he said, every other day was another hateful, demeaning email, with no regard for how I felt about the situation. But I had to move to Seattle. He couldn't be around my family, couldn't have them creating a negative environment for him. I told him this was not negotiable. And that we had probably gone too far past a point of forgiveness for each others' words and actions. He actually agreed, and I guess we've decided to go ahead with the divorce.

Of course, this is the short, clean version of the story. But for those who may have been wondering what was going on with all of my other rants and raves (all few of you, by the "blog views" count), there it is.