Oh, and P.S.

Chris and I are still together, the guy I blogged about in January? He's wonderful, an understatement, and even  understanding and patient of my not-so-affectionate self right now. Ronan adores him and vice-versa. He treats me like a goddess, or queen, or whatever simile you prefer. I'm officially in love, and I know without doubt this is like no other relationship I've had, but that's a good thing. His lease is up in August and we'll be trying out the living together thing. A little nervous about it because I know I can be hard to live with. Ronan will love it, he always misses when Chris isn't here (he stays with us weekends). Ah, love.

Well, a few things have happened

Since January. Ronan had his second birthday, of which I am still in disbelief. I started my second nervous breakdown and lost my job because of it, another second. Since I'm not eligible for unemployment I am literally broke. Borrowing what I can to make this month's rent and then I'll worry about the rest later.

Ronan isn't in daycare, and I know he misses his friends. Playing with mommy all day just isn't the same, especially when mommy has to spend the better part of her day researching work at home jobs. Trust me, it's the only employment I'm going to get. I've put in over 30 applications to real places and not a single call. Well, one, but they wouldn't give me full time. Geez I think my cat just farted on my lap...

So I'm still having much bipolar remorse and hypersensitivity right now. Good news? The birth father I've been looking for the last four years didn't just go away and forget about me. No, I didn't find him. His baby sister found me, my aunt Renae. She let me know that he in fact passed away about 20 years ago and wished for her to find me. And I also find out I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters, whom I'm to meet at least this June at a huge family reunion. It's still all a little more than I can take in, very surreal, but very exciting. I can't wait to meet them and see how all of this goes.

Now, to find income...

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Ronan helped me sweep and mop. So of course there was plenty of water on the floor :) He thought it was pretty cool to dunk his mop.

Just when you want to be alone...

The last boyfriend I had I broke up with about five or so months ago. Upon ending that relationship, which was done when "not liking kids" was more than just words, I decided I truly wanted to just be with my little man. At least for some time. It's stressful to try to date when you have a toddler. I'll elaborate another time.

Just as I'd settled into a good routine with Ronan, and no other relationships felt missed from my life, in walked a long-lost wherehaveyoubeenallmylife from about 11 years ago. Our potential is still there, and after a few months of chatting and a couple of face-to-face opportunities I've finally caved to try dating again. Hey, he's a good guy, and he and Ronan hit it off. We'll see.

Sleep and Dinosaurs

I am blessed with a son who sleeps until at least 7 on weekends. This is spectacular since I get up at 4:30 during the week for work.

His big things right now are cars, trains, dinosaurs, animals, and Spongebob. So I was looking at a new Oriental Trading catalog and found they have Thomas the Tank Engine, Spongebob, and dinosaur party sets for pretty cheap. Then one morning last week while he was sick we were watching Dinosaur Train on PBS, one of the few cartoons he'll sit through. Duh! The perfect combination. So I'm on the prowl. His birthday is little more than a month away...I still have to make invites!

The Strep Throat Blues

Ronan is finally better, just a little cough left. I still have to force feed him liquid amoxicillin for three more days. This involves me pinning down most of his body by throwing my right leg across his torso, holding his left hand down with mind, and simultaneously tilting his head up and to the side and slowing pushing the plunger on the syringe. Yeah, it's not pretty. Not that I can blame him for putting up a fight -- when I first opened the bottle, a deluge of childhood trauma was unleashed just from remembering the smell. I'm glad our parents took care of us with proper medicines. But seriously, they couldn't have changed the chalk smell after all these years?
Anyway, I'm glad to have my boy back to his old self -- temper tantrums, deaf ears, and all.

The new blog

I've revamped, or at least started. It's no longer about me venting, but a catalogue of mine and my son's life together. I think it will be fun. I did delete all the old posts that were pretty angry or just plain whiny, and left a few for perspective. I hope to keep up with it often but my internet access is limited to my phone. Anyway, here is the dawn of a new era.