Yes, my blog title changes, depending on what's in the deepest realms of my mind when the moment hits me.

I'm not replying to my husband's emails. I've decided responding to them just makes everything worse. I can't stop reading them though, the suspense of knowing what personality he's in next just kills me. "I love you" - "I can't stay married to you"; "I have to try to learn to love Ronan" - "I have always loved Ronan"; "I won't make this ugly unless you make this ugly" - opening a new bank account and wiping our joint account clean before any legal action has been taken; "I can't leave you, no matter what" - "I have to decide if I want a divorce or not"...I shouldn't subject myself to what he has to say, but it's still hard to let go.

Nope, didn't work. Maybe I have to mention it more than once? Gouda, Gouda, Gouda!

I wish I could comment on something that would change my Adsense ads to something other than bankruptcy. Damn, I mentioned it again. How about, Gouda cheese? We'll see if that works.

Enrolled in WIC today, they will buy 10 12 oz. cans of formula a month, and some dairy products for me. I never imagined that I would be one of those living on taxpayer money, but at the same time I am now thankful that the resources are there. My application for food stamps will go through shortly, and that will provide the rest of my sustenance. At least I only have to worry about the formula for Ronan for now. I wouldn't even have to worry about that if I didn't have to start taking the crazy pills (Klonopin). And I really miss nursing, I think Ronan does too, but he's been very adaptive so far.

New Ronan Pics

Hanging out with cousin Tate












Wearing the "Mine's a Pint!" shirt Uncle Richard brought him from Ireland.

Today I didn't have to do anything. I did, however, get another email from my husband (who must always have the last word, by the way), letting me know that now he knows how my ex-husband felt, because he wanted to work it out and I never gave him the chance. I wanted to reply, but this would just go on and on and on and...So, he'll just have to go on without me telling him he isn't half the man my ex is, that my ex was never as cruel as him, and reminding him that he was the one that wanted the divorce in the first place. I wish I was a lesbian.

So, I guess I'm kind of retarded. I was trying to redo everything that had my last name on it so I would no longer be associated with that name. I think I exported and imported my blog like, 5 or 6 times and each time it would list me as a contributor to the blog twice. So, I would try to figure out which contributor to delete, delete the wrong one, and have now had to change the blog URL for the fourth time. So, I'm going to leave the stupid contributor list on my profile, because I'm not reentering all this information AGAIN! (when you import your blog, it only publishes the posts, not the extras on the sidelines.) Ugh. Why did I have to get pissed so late at night?

On another note, I put a security deposit down on an affordable-housing one-bedroom apt today. It will take a couple of weeks to find out if I'm approved, but it looks good. They are very accommodating, and know my entire situation. I start next week working 20 hours at the old c-store, which is awesome, and I can pick up extra hours here and there. Food stamps will go up with the living expenses, and WIC will take care of the formula I have to use now that I'm medicated and can't nurse anymore. They'll even let me pay out my pet deposit (the apt) so I don't have to wait to move my precious kitty in (I've had her for 11 years).

So, I get to move out of the 'rents within the next month, probably. Yes, it's scary, but I won't really feel like I'm making any progress until that happens. I did set up an appt with a bankruptcy attorney, but I don't know how I'm going to pay for it. Once step at a time, I suppose.