No one wants to leave comments now that I've disabled anonymous comments.

So I guess Scott and I are not going to try to work it out. He said if I won't move to Seattle then I don't want to try. I told him I want to try, but I'm not going to move up there on a chance. I'm in no position to do something like that. I think he doesn't want to spend any time here because he knows my family doesn't like him. Boy, is that the understatement of the year.

He also said again that he needs to be around his family after this horrible deployment and will not move to Pauls Valley. That's the second time he has excluded Ronan and I as his family. What more can I say to that? I was actually getting excited about having a chance to try being a family with him. I guess I should have known better.

So, now I'm sad again and it's Tuesday before I see my therapist. Thanks, dearest husband of mine. I can't talk to my parents because they are just super-judgmental and just want to bad-mouth him. I can't wait until I learn how to accept the things that have happened in my life, from the neglect during childhood from my parents, to the lies they told, to the horrible relationships I've had. At least my first husband was never cruel during the divorce. He kept his dignity and still speaks to me respectfully when we do talk. And I cheated on him. With Scott. Scott never minded though. Maybe that should have been my first sign. I'm not the cheating type, but I've always made spontaneous decisions with my heart instead of thinking things through with my head.

So I guess I and my sweet little boy are going to start our lives together, without daddy. It makes me sad when I'm filling out his baby book and I have to leave the parts about "daddy" blank. I don't want to fill out all of this stuff about Scott if he's never going to know him. He'll know the whole story someday. But Scott's the closest thing to a father he'll ever have, he was there when he was born, he cut his umbilical cord, gave him his first bath. And he doesn't want him. How do you tell a child he wasn't wanted? I have to live with knowing my birth father didn't want me. He stopped trying to contact me when I was 3. I don't want that for my son, but I guess that's the way it is.